New Joke Book Free for Teachers and Students   Leave a comment


This is just a quick post to announce the arrival of my new book on Amazon. It’s an age-appropriate joke book designed for teachers and students and it’s FREE to download on Kindle Unlimited as of yesterday. There is a print version available also but it may have to be re-edited first as I won’t get the first proof for a few days. The image of the cover is below and I hope everyone enjoys it and are generous with the reviews!

If you are a teacher, this is a very safe book to dip into. Humour is the best social glue in a classroom that I know of and all of these jokes have been ‘road-tested’ in my own classes and went down a bomb. Feel free to download it today and I wish you the best of success using the wisecracks, quips and one-liners that are guaranteed to make them smile! The new cover is below and I’m posting the Table of Contents and the first three pages of the book for those who love a giggle. Will be back very soon with a new post on ‘How to Describe a Beautiful Black Woman’. Thanks for supporting my blog! Liamo.

 

There’s a link to your FREE Kindle copy on Kindle Unlimited by clicking the image below. Any of the book images below can be clicked on to bring you to the Amazon books site.

Cracked as a Cricket

Table of Contents                              Pages

 

11-13-year-old short jokes                  2-36

11-13-year-old medium jokes             37-43

11-13-year-old long jokes                  44-56

14-16-year-old short jokes                 57-78

14-16-year-old medium jokes             79-91

14-16-year-old long                            92-112

17 plus short                                      113-128

17 plus medium                                  129-145

17 plus long                                        146-184

Write in your favourite jokes               184-189

11-13-year-old short jokes

 

Always give everything 100%- except when you’re donating blood.

Don’t let your worries get the better of you. Just remember that Moses started out as a basket case and he did alright for himself.

Life is how you look at things. For example, spell stressed backwards. There you go.

I got a really great compliment when I steered my car into a tight space this morning. I came back and someone had left a lovely little note. It said: ‘Parking Fine’.

If you’re just after flatulating, it is always polite to ask: “Can anyone else smell popcorn?”

The strangest thing happened to me this morning. I was walking past a tree when I saw a Justin Bieber concert ticket nailed to it. I was delighted and took it home. You never know when you might need a nail.

Here’s a very important piece of life advice. When someone’s annoying you and you feel stressed, just eat another cookie. They’re delicious and you won’t be able to hear anything over the crunching.

There are 2 golden rules for success. The first is to never reveal all you know…

Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is realising the other person was born an idiot.

Never argue with an idiot. He has the benefit of experience.

If you’re going to pick an argument with someone, wait until they have the hiccups. It’s so much funnier.

If you’re ever attacked by a gang of clowns, always go for the juggler first.

Life is all about perspective. For example, turtles think frogs are homeless.

Life is all about perspective. If you were a lobster in the kitchen of the Titanic, you’d have done all right out of it, wouldn’t you?

If you ever become a doctor, change your last name to Acula. Then you’re Dr. acula.

When people go underwater in scary situations, I like to hold my breath and see if I would have survived that situation.

I almost died in ‘Finding Nemo’.

A mushroom, a sausage and a fried egg walk into a bar. The barman says:

“Get out. We don’t serve breakfast in here.”

This mushroom walks into a bar with a pained expression. The barman says:

“Get out. You’re too serious.”

As he’s walking out crying, the mushroom turns his head around and says:

“I’m actually a fungi.”

If an English teacher is discussing the importance of English, he/she should always explain how precise the language is. For example, in America you use the words ‘woof-woof’ for a dog. In England, it’s ‘bow-wow’. In North Korea, it’s ‘sizzle’.

Some say that if you can’t beat them, join them. I say if you can’t beat them, beat them. That way you’ll have the element of surprise and a greater sense of satisfaction.

I used to be the top house alarm salesman in the country. If people weren’t

home, I just left the brochure on their kitchen table.

My toughest ever job, though, was selling doors door-to-door.

Velcro. What a rip-off.

What does a Kerry man call his pet zebra? Spot

They say ‘icy’ is the easiest word to spell. I see why.

What’s green and goes at 100 miles an hour? – A frog in a blender.

What’s red and white and goes at 100 miles an hour? – A train driver’s tomato

sandwich.

What’s blue and green and goes 99 miles an hour? – A smurf chasing a frog in a

blender.

What’s red and smells of blue paint?  Red paint, silly.

Why do scuba divers fall backwards off the boat?

Because if they fell forwards they’d still be in the boat.

And the Lord said unto Moses: “Go forth and I shall grant you eternal life.”

But he only came fifth and won a toaster.

Another great piece of life advice is that when someone talks behind your back, let off an SBD (silent but deadly fart). Your problem disappears. If they object, call it a love bomb.

Life advice: Never marry a tennis player. Its obvious love means nothing to them.

What’s green, fuzzy and would kill you if it fell out of a tree? A pool table.

I don’t think you’re stupid. You just have a lot of bad luck when you’re thinking.

Wasn’t that lousy yesterday? Someone stole from a circus midget’s pocket. The police still can’t figure out how anyone could stoop so low.

I’m afraid of speed bumps. But I’m getting over it.

Someone stole my Microsoft Office. Someone’s gonna pay. You have my word.

I used to be an addict. I was addicted to soap but I’m clean now.

I was walking in the park yesterday and I wondered why the Frisbee was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

Never forget that you’re unique- just like everyone else.

Yesterday my psychiatrist told me I was crazy. I said I wanted a second opinion. “No problem,” he said. You’re ugly too.”

You mightn’t realise this but I used to be in a boy band many moons ago. We were very famous. You can still see our posters everywhere. We were called Lost Dog.

As you grow older, you will realize that there are only 3 types of people in this world, my friend- those who can count and those who can’t.

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